Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
