why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
