So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I will pee on everything he values.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize