I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
