I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
