dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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