While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
