I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
