you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize