The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
