Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
