When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
