all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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