I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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