Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
