moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
