I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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