My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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