ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
