Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
