u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize