It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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