next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
