Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
