Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize