My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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