Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Sponge bath it is.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
me + whiskey = a bad person
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
