I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
