I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
