She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
