How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
