Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
