READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
