things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
