if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
