You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
