Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
