Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Drake has all the answers
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
