I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize