That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
