theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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