Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
