fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
