no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
