Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
