dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
