I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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