It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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