So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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