we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
