I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
