If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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