The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
