We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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