saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
