i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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