last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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