Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
