I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
high people should be assigned attendants
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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