dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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