is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
