She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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