So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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