He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
