ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I want her autograph on my taint
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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