as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
