Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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