you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
