You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he shaved USA in his pubs
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
