OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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