I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
