Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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