It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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