You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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