glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The power of my boobs compel you
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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